


Letter's to Nina

by FoxyTrashforyah



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Mushy, My First Fanfic, if you haven't noticed i can't tag, is this angst?, like at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 22:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxyTrashforyah/pseuds/FoxyTrashforyah
Summary: Matthias has still a few things he wants to say to Nina, and things he wished he had done sooner rather than later. But it is too late now. "So dear Nina, my love, don't cry."





	Letter's to Nina

**Author's Note:**

> I have my mixed and tangled feelings towards what happened with Matthias, I understand why it happened, but none the less I am still hollow.
> 
> so y'all suffer with me!
> 
> This is my first fic, and there is no beta, this is all on me. appreciated if y'all point out if there is something is should correct ~
> 
> Enjoy!

The cold is unforgiving and relentless.  
It rips its way through your clothes to crawl beneath your skin and tear you open just to find out if you can withstand it if you can hold out one more moment in this unforgiving environment. If it can find your deep dark secrets which are woven into your flesh and is built inside of your bones. The very secrets which lie within your ancestors past and in your future. It will try to find all of those cracks and bends, all of the valleys and the deep running river of blood in your veins. It will try to break you, your body, your bones, and your soul. It will try to freeze your thoughts and your blood over. The bittersweet beauty of when water turns to ice and rain turns to snow when the blood will be set in ice and snow down with all of the lies that once were you. 

I guess it is true of what they say, with people that once have had broken bones.  
The cold gnaws its way through you, and seep into the cracks, the bends, and the breaks of what once were broken. And the pain, the unforgiving pain comes back at you again. Its as if your bones broke anew as if the cold and the ice is testing you. Seeing how long can you fight this. it will gnaw and chew you open, over and over again, until you tell nothing more than truth. It will continue to interrogate you, to try to see your worth.

 

Can you withstand this? Can you withstand the cold? Are you strong enough? will it be too much for you? When will you break? When will you finally give up? When can I break you?  
But most importantly...

Are you worthy of the north?

Up here in the north, the ice is our god, and those that don’t understand it, that doesn’t give it a chance or try to understand, won't survive long.  
If they aren't put on its trial, they won’t understand its glory or its wickedness. They won't have experienced its true power, and you will not ever be able to see your true potential.  
The wolves, which is the children of the ice, roam this place, its howling echoing from far distant. Waiting for its next prey. Much like its mother, it is unforgiving and won’t let you past or be free until it truly sees you. It is a no man's land which does not forgive, and where the survival of the strongest is all that matters.

It means nothing if you are man or woman, weak in one way and strong in the other if you are young or old.  
Here the woman can survive better than the men. Here it doesn’t matter if you are the best in something. Here is where the old survive better than the young.  
Because the young are stupid, and foolish, and naive. The knowledge of the old is the most valuable that exists. They know the ice and they know what it wants, and what it takes to survive here. This wretched place.

It is home for us in the north, it is the home we call Fjerda. Where the ice is our birthplace and our grave. The grave which will send us to the final resting place by Djels side. It is the place where we fight and have in our hearts when we fight against what is not right. That type of wrong that still felt so, so, right.

But not for me. It was once my home, where my family was burnt by the inferni Grisha. Where I once trained by what once was my brother's side.  
But now I am a traitor. I became a traitor because I finally opened my eyes. I opened them to see what my country has become, and what they have done towards thousands of Grisha’s.  
The only thing I needed was for someone to help me see the world for what it truly is. Someone who has sharp eyes, quick wit, and endless love for all those who are damned.

Someone like you, my love. You, who saw all the things that were so wrong, but so right for me. You saw the wretchedness and cruel things within me, but you also saw a potential for something so good. A future which was worth living for, and for someone to change and make it better than ever before. My love, you have seen the beating hearts which can do great and marvellous things, and those that beat for hatred and revenge. You changed the hearts of those that said they would never love anyone and made them anyway because they deserve it. You believe that those that have done the most hideous and unforgivable things even deserves a chance at love.

There is so much love and kindness within you, but also so much hatred for what has been done to your kind. I guess that is probably why we fitted so well. We had different opinions but in the end, were we both fighting for the same thing. But I never had that stubbornness within me and I never had that freedom to think that way. I guess that is the reason I fell for you so slowly, but yet so fast. I was a dying man left alone and buried in the snow and yet you found me.

My ice, my heart, and my home are not Fjerda.  
It is you Nina, and I wish I was able to tell you this. To hold you and comfort you, so that you won’t grieve or cry anymore. You are so much more beautiful when you smile, your laugh which I would die to hear one more time.  
To tell you all the things I have wanted to tell you. I wish I had told you sooner my feelings, my thoughts and meanings so that we could have had a little bit longer time together.  
But now I see the ice, my darling.

I hear the wolves howling, and soon they will rip my body apart to make me one of them.  
To make me a part of Djel.  
I feel the cold seep into the cracks and breaks in me, it is slowly seeping in and taking over.  
Nina, I wish you could have seen this, my love, that you were here with me.  
But you must live on, and grow, and build up, and tear down, and wreak, and heal, and hurt and hate, and love endlessly, while I must go.  
So don’t cry anymore, smile and cherish what we had, and keep me in your heart. Do all the things I could not do.

Goodbye my love.


End file.
